It Aint Love if it Can't Break Your Heart

Two days changed the way I think about everything now. 

Maybe it was staying up with the one person I love most, while he treated me like I was the most important person in this whole wide world. 

He taught me a lesson at two in the morning. A lesson that will change my life. If someone wants to be in my life, they'll show me that. 

This weekend was the best one yet. The memories are mine, and I can never forget them. 

I Never Knew I Could Love Someone Like I Love You

You know that feeling you get when you "love" someone so much that it hurts to be away from them? Well, that's practically my life right now. Weekends kill!
I'm not going to lie, after what happened with my heart last time, I'm hesitant when it comes to giving it away again. But, he's proven that my heart and all the flaws that. One with it would be well protected. I can trust him.
Somedays, he meets me in the hallways and we turn the two minute walk to my third hour class into a five minute walk. I take those days for granted, and I know I shouldn't because, before I know it, he is going to be a serventof of The Lord preaching the gospel to the people somewhere that will seem so far away. Eventually, I'm going to be living letter to letter or email to email, and that day is going to come way too soon.
I talk like he is already mine. Most days, it feels like he is, but...he isn't.
On a different note, I've been listening to Christmas music all day. Im so ready for the most magical time of the year. It going to be pretty great.

As Long as We're Together, It Doesn't Matter

Hey guess what, I really am alive. My life has been a crazy, CRAZY, one for the last month and a half. 

I'm juts busy with the usual high school life and college classes that I thought would be "fun."

I'd be lying if I said that my Bio 171 or something like that wasn't my favorite class.

I'd also be lying if I said that I wasn't happy, because in reality, I really am. 

I find it hard to listen to Tracy Chapman and not sing at obnoxiously loud volumes, because her music is just do catchy, and I love it.

Sometimes I'm really bad at taking a hint. I probably would have held hands with that really cute quarterback that goes to my school by now, if it wasn't for my lack of knowledge when it comes to romantic situations. It was the homecoming game, and yes, there were fireworks.

I'm stealing Joey for my birthday. I'm seriously driving to Seattle and kidnapping her in January. Its more like we are meeting halfway and she is coming to stay with me for a week, or something like that. I couldn't be more excited.

Can you believe that it is almost November? I cant. These last few months have flown by. If you asked me what has happened, I wouldn't be able to tell you because all I do is take pictures, do homework, go to football games and take more pictures and edit them. Oh and I take naps on a daily basis.

My seminary teachers think it is funny to talk about the "M" word with me. What word might that be. Marriage. Yuck.  I will admit that now that I know all these people getting married, I get marriage hungry, but then I remember that I actually dont want to be married and I go back to a normal high school girl.

Homecoming was this weekend. I didn't go, but my favorite part is sunday night at about 8:37 when all the pictures are on facebook and then I spend hours looking at everybody and their mom's pictures. You better believe that I'm living that single life!

Basketball starts in three weeks. I'm already dreading it. I have a serious love-hate relationship with that sport. Right now its mostly hate. 

Ellie Goulding is blasting in my room and I blame her for my scatter-brained thoughts. Its more  likely because it is way past my bed time, but...lets not talk about it.

Peace out, homedogs. I'm going to bed.

Missing You

Sleep drowned my eyes, but I was still very much awake.
I took a journey to the exotic land of Brazil, to come visit you. I found you sitting among the brazilains, talking and laughing and teaching the gospel. It came so natural to you. You sat there and I was overcome with emotion. Being within ten feet of you was something i never thought would happen. Slowly, I approached you and gently spoke your name. You turned, it was you, the real you. You pulled me into the biggest hug I had ever received and tears filled both of our eyes. It was so real, nothing was going to ever tear us apart. We would be together forever. At that moment everything was okay. There were no worries.
Sleep slowly drifted and I was pulled from your arms. I screamed, and cried to go back, back where I was safe, back where I could be with you.
I awoke with tears in my eyes. I miss him like crazy, so much that it hurts.

My Favorite Things

Guess what. I'm a creep. I worked hard for this picture. 

It's football season. I love football season.

 The cold air, the falling leaves, the excitement it adds to everyday,

the sweaty boys (maybe only one sweaty boy.)

So, there's a boy. I feel like all I write about is boys.

There have only been three in the last year.

Anyway this boy,

He is a keeper. 

I'm a Photographer Now

I cant believe it either. It's official. I take pictures of people, and nature, and all sorts of things now. It's a little bit crazy to think about it, but my dream is coming true.
Here are a few pictures of the beautiful people I have taken pictures for.

The Raddon Family

The Beautiful SkylanRai

If you like what you see, you can check out my photography blog here.

I Need My Man

This week is all a blur. I've only been to school for a day and a half this week. Let's not talk about it.

Cam the Man, my best friend (or my man), left for his mission on Wednesday morning. I haven't stopped crying, I miss him so much. I sure love that boy.

I'm falling for that oh so cute boy that sits in the very back seat, in the row next to the wall, in Brother Peterson's sixth hour Seminary class.

Tonight was the first football game of the season. It was so hard to watch, I couldn't imagine Cam not playing. I made it though with no tears. We won. Oh and that one cute boy, mentioned above, had an amazing game.

Don't Fall For Me

"Don't fall for me, okay?" The words are running through my mind, how do I say this. I don't want to  hurt you, I'm still trying to figure out what I want in life, but I know you are not it.

 I'm scared to break your heart, but the  walls have been put up, and you are outside of them. So much has happened and I just cant handle it. 

The words have been said. Now its up to you. 

I'm dangerous, stay away. Run. Put your heart in a cage, and run. 

Beginning of the End

Today marks the first day of the last week of summer. I cant believe it. Summer has treated me so well, and I'm sad to see it go; however, this kid  is off to bigger and better things. 

These past few months have been amazing an I couldn't do them justice in anyway, but I do have a few pictures to share.

(P.S This song is perfect for how I am feeling right now.)

Partners and Pals was exactly what I needed this summer. I made so many new friends and feel in love with all of  the kids. I don't think words can even begin to explain the wonderful, crazy, silly, and scary moments that I experienced with these kids this summer. I wouldn't trade it for anything, ever.

This summer was incredible and I have about a gazillion pictures that I want to share, but instead I threw together a slop slop photo collage. The pictures range from saying goodbye to Elder Adling to the Train concert I went and saw last week (I'll fill you in on that one later, so amazing!)   

 This is Quincy. He stole my heart. I love this kid, probably because he is so naughty and naughty children are my favorite, as long as they don't belong to me. We took this picture the last day of camp. Much to my surprise this little seven year old tackled me to the  ground and then gave me a huge hug. I'm sure going to miss my Q-Man!

I'm saving all the stories from this concert for later. It was so amazing.

 My cousins and I ventured to the Oregon Zoo on Tuesday. It was packed and so much fun. The elephants and giraffes were my favorite. I was probably more excited to go to the zoo than the five year old I went with. I loved it.

His name is Mr. Pray-Mantis, and he lives on my house and we are bestest friends. 

Who doesn't want a best friend who is a bug?

One Week!

You're birthday is in ONE WEEK. 

I miss you a whole ton, you're my missionary brother. I don't even care that we have different genes, or that we don"t have the same parents. You're my brother and that is that. 

I'm trying to figure out a cute package idea, but it's not working very well. 

NOTE: This is a call for help, does anyone have cute birthday package ideas for a missionary, its crunch time, and I am desperate!

This Weekend... BumBumBum

I'm going to flat out honest today, no sugar coating. This weekend SUCKED! Why might this weekend have been so bad, you may ask. Let me tell you.
HE IS ENGAGED!
Yup you read that right. My little hearty heart was broken for approximately two minutes. That's all. Weird, right. Normally super emotional teenage girls like myself (which teenage girl isn't full of raging hormones making her emotional?) would be mourning over a certain boy, who she gave her heart to.


On a different note, these last two days have been the happiest days of my life. I don't even know why! I've been all smiles. My heart is free and it feels so good.
As of right now I'm eating a whole bag of pizza flavored goldfish, which may I add aren't even good, while watching missionaries  open their call. Life doesn't get much better than this.

I'm Having a Bipolar Sort of Week

I got the news yesterday. You're coming back, two weeks early. I wanted nothing to do with you when I first found out, practically hated you for it.   I secretly hoped that you wouldn't come to see my family or, me. I tried to find a way to avoid you as  much as possible. 

Fear floats to the top of my heart. I fear that you moved on, I fear saying goodbye again, even though it will only be for two weeks. The last goodbye we said almost killed me, I cant handle it again.

Life just got good. I don't want anything to ruin that. I like you, I like you a lot, but I cant handle this.

HECK! Who am I kidding, I'm freaking excited to see your face. 

Tomorrow couldn't come sooner.

Sun and Moon

Perched atop her bike, riding through the back roads, a young aspiring photographer noticed the distant look that captured the distant moon. 

Alone, she sat. 

"Moon," she yelled, "why does my heart feel like this? I don't understand." 

Moon peered down at her. 

Crisscross-applesauce, she sat it the perfectly cut, slightly wet grass. 

Still Moon looked at her.  

"Moon! Stop looking at me, and help me. Help me understand!" 

Moon said nothing. 

"My heart aches Moon. I miss him. I miss the way things were when he was around. The distance is getting to me and I just can't handle it anymore. He is so far away. He changed me, Moon. He tore down all the walls that once built themselves inside my heart. He tore down what no one else could. I need him. My heart aches for him. Moon, I think I love him, but the distance makes it impossible."

Moon gently raised his voice

 "Young one, its hard. Each night I chase my one and only love, Sun. I glide through the sky so, we can spend those few minutes spread in different corners the sky, together. She sits miles and miles away. I travel around the world, anxiously awaiting the moment when the light she generously gives to the world, can be seen by my eyes."

"But Moon, how do you make it through the day, doesn't your heart long to see Sun?" the girl quietly said.

"Of course, everyday and every night my heart desires to share the sky with Sun. When I think I can no longer endure to the moment when I see her, I think. I think of all the beautiful things she gets to see. Even though she is on the other side of the world, I know that eventually, we will be together again. Sometimes I wait weeks, even months to see her, but I always see her."

 "Moon, I think I understand. When I miss my love, and my heart aches to be near him, if I just think of all the things he is learning and getting to experiance, it will pass the days away, and make the sting of being away less painful. I just have to remember that because of the love we share, we will always see each other." 

Moon smiled down.

So Close Yet, So Far Away

Eighteen Miles.

That's all.

We were eighteen miles away from each other.

I longed for the gentle touch of your hand. 

The sweet smile you greet me with was fresh in my memory.

On the floor laughing. Crying our eyes out. Serious talks. Not so serious talks. 

Beautiful memories. 

Your face was eighteen miles away. Eighteen short miles!

Why? 

I need you. 

We were so close but, so far away.

1.2 months. 39 days. 936 hours. 3369600 seconds.

The day I have been waiting for since you left. 

It's been exactly one month today. 

Lets be honest, it's been the longest month of my life. 

Everyday I dream of seeing you again for the first time. I cant wait.

It's slowly killing me inside. 

I miss you so much, it's really sad. 

How is it even possible to feel like this? I don't understand. 

All I know is that when I see you again, everything is going to be okay. 

The time is so short. 

You are so close,

but still 936 hours away.

Goodbyes, Round 2

So, I have this friend. He's a missionary, but he has also been adopted into my family. So that makes him a brother, I guess. 

Anywho, like all missionaries do, he got transferred, so we said goodbye like ten times, and took a ton of pictures. Could I use anymore commas in the previous sentence? I don't think so.

We are really awkward, and we like it. 

I'm pretty sure he is the coolest. 

Loving Life

Here comes the picture overload.

My adventures started out with a crazy hard pioneer trek. I survived. Thank goodness.

I then packed my bags for the second  time in a week and headed to EFY. Probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've made so many friends with people from all across the world.

Then I packed my bags yet again and made my way across the north west, and ended up at BYU, where I played basketball for the week.

EFY

 The campus of UPS looks like Hogwarts; therefore, we were know as EFY Hogwarts.

This is Holland. She wins best roommate ever award.

We paint like we are five. Its normal.

Meet Luke. He's the best.

Nick (aka Daddy) with all the girls.

Me and the Guys. I love them all so much.

Basketball Camp

The Jamba collection. 

This shaved Ice was bigger than my face and was so tasty.

Team name: Cavemen

Number One! Camp Champ two years in a row!

I met so many new people and fell in love, but not IN love, with every single one of them. I miss each of them so much, and cannot wait for the little family reunions that we have already started to plan, even though its only been a week.

I'm Wearing a TON of clothes, and Still Freezing

Here you go. You're going to know me better than half the people I know.

25 Things About Me

1. I LOVE the rain. I love the smell, I love the way it feels running down your face, I love puddle jumping, I love rain boots, I love the thoughts of kissing in the rain...

2. If I take a nap during the day I am up until at least 1:00, maybe 2:00. It doesn't matter if it is a 10 minute power nap or two hours long, I just don't sleep. But that doesn't stop me from taking naps.

3. I plan on traveling the world. I love learning about other cultures and the way other people live. That's probably why I plan to live in Mexico and somewhere in Europe, and like three other foreign countries. 

4. If you told me to jump off a bridge, I probably would. It takes a lot for me to really truly trust people. It may not show on the outside, but inside it could be a completely different story. That doesn't make mush sense. 

5. I often randomly yell "fun fact of the day" and then proceed to tell the whole world one random thing. 

Fun fact of the day: hippos milk is pink. It's true. I looked it up. 

6. In the last forever, I've only really truly liked guys with names that start with letters that are in the second half of the alphabet. It's weird. Maybe a sort of sexal  selection, but probably not. Which leads me to my next "fact."

7. I'm a huge ap bio nerd. I don't even like the class half the time, but at the most random times I remember the most irrelevent things and tell the people around me all about it. One time in weights I walked a girl through the whole fermentation process for the whole hour. 

8. I don't like pizza. It makes your hands smell funny and don't say to just wash them because it doesn't work. The smell lingers and it makes me want to die. 

9. I love letters so much. If you send me a letter, we can be best friends. 

10. My favorite class is my advanced weights class. I'm one of the three girls that wakes up at six to go work out. The boys are so great and most of them are even real gentlemen. They are pretty protective, but they treat me like one of the guys. Girls, if you can find a guy like that, keep him around. They are the best and don't pop up too often.  

11. Painting is one of my favorite things to do. Seriously. Blasting music with a paint brush in hand is the best feeling in the world. It doesn't get much better than that. 

12. I might seem like a loud, simple person, but once you get to know me, I'm quiet and a lot more complex than I might have seemed when you first met me.

13. The first time I got my heart broke was this summer. I thought I was over it two minutes after I wrapped my brim around what was going on, but I really wasn't. Even now, it still stings. My hearts a pretty hard thing to figure out. That's something I'm still working on. 

14. When I was 13 my dad was diagnosed with a cist in his brain, which is like a tumor. That's probably the pivotal moment in my life. I haven't been the same since then. My life is completely different. I decided that I wanted to be happy and I wanted to make something out if my life. I wanted to make other people feel good about themselves and let them know that they are wonderful no matter what anyone has said about them in the past. 

15. Love scares the heck out of me. 

(See 13)

16. I find muscle spasms fascinating. In all actuality, anything to do with muscles is so interesting. 

17. I've never been kissed. I take great pride in being part of the VLC (virgin lip club). 

18. I dream about finding true love, but the more my heartbreaks, the less I believe in love. 

19. One of my greatest aspersions is to be able to fluently speak Spanish. I love the language so much. Sometimes I pretend that I can. 

20. I do my deep thinking after ten o'clock at night. I don't know what about late nights makes my brain transfer into wise mode, but sometime, believe it or not, it does. I let my gaurd down, and become completely vulnerable. After ten I'd be willing to share just about anything about myself with just about anyone. 

21. My best friend lives on the other side of the state and I miss her so much. Right now I need her to come tell me that everything is going to be okay. She is so supportive and always knows exactly how to help me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Joey in my life.  

22. I'm really good at pushing people away. I guess I'm scared of people getting close to me. Its like as soon as you know the real me, I kick you out. I don't mean to, and I really wish that I didn't but it happens and I don't know how to make everything better again. 

23. I have four brothers and I love them all so much. I couldn't have made it this far without them. I don't think that I would have a purpose, or know why I am here if it weren't  for them. They tell me that nothing is wrong with me, and that I am beautiful. Sure the way they say that comes in various forms, like punching or tackling or any sort of roughness, but they are the best. They are the ones that put me back together. 

24. I am a member of the Church if Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The gospel and my savior are the reasons that I am happy. The gospel of Jesus Christ is amazing and can heal any broken heart. I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior so much. They know me better than anyone else. They love me, for my imperfect self and they love you as well.  

25. This post has taken me nearly seven months to write. Mostly just because I have put it off for that long. Procrastination at it's finest.   

You Are Loved

Its almost midnight and I'm still awake. This is a summer record. 

Most nights I'm in bed by ten.

That was wishful thinking.

Anyways,

I'm not here to tell you what time I normally go to bed.

I actually don't really know why I'm here writing this. I think it's mostly because my heart is so full and I'm to lazy to write all my feelings in my journal tonight. 

My thoughts  are mostly centered around my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. 

At this point, I have no idea what I would do, or be, without them.

So I'll break it down into three categories.

1. Heavenly Father Answers Prayers

Although sometimes we don't get the answer we want, or think we need, he always answers. 

No Matter What. 

For me this has been looking for someone to always rely on. 

As I've gone through some hard trials this last week, He has been the only one who has been there for me no matter the time, or the circumstance. 

I find myself constantly falling to my knees, or uttering a silent prayer in my heart. 

I've come to look forward to those few minutes each morning and night when we have a conversation, and I cant live without those few precious moments each day.

2. His Gospel is So Good

Without His marvelous Gospel, I know that I would not even be anywhere close to the person I am today. Because I know myself, I know that I would be so lost in this world full of corruption. 

His gospel is the reason WHY I am who I choose to be. 

His gospel allows for me and you and all the people who live in this world to make mistakes, and still be able to return to lived with Him again. 

Because of Christ's atonement, I have hope. I know that regardless of the mistakes I make, that if I am willing to repent of my sins and humble myself, he will welcome me back with arms wide open. 

But the beauty of this atonement is that, He will never leave you when you are struggling to make the right choice or to return back to the path he has set out for us. He is always there for you, if you will just reach out and grad his hand that he graciously offers. 

3. We Are Loved More Than We Can Understand

We are God's children, and He loves us more than is humanly possible to understand.

His only wish is that all of His children will return to home to Him, and guess what. 

He will do everything that He can to make that happen. 

He loves us. 

That's why He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to come to Earth and suffer for each one of our sins. That is why He let His Son come to Earth and be killed for the benefit of all His other children. 

But His love doesn't stop there. 

His love was passed to His Son, Jesus Christ. 

Christ endured all the persecution and pain happen, because He knew that if He didn't His Fathers plan wouldn't be carried out and The rest of His siblings (that's us), would have no way to return home again. 

Ultimately, We are loved so much. 

We are loved by our Father in Heaven, as well by His Son. 

I know that Heavenly Father hears ans answers our prayers, even though it may not be the answer we want, and it may not come exactly when we want it, His answer does come. 

I know that He is merciful and seeks to find His lost sheep. He want's all to return to Him. 

I know that He loves us so He sent His Son to come and atone for our sins. 

Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ are so good.

They are always there, and all we have to do is ask. Ask for their help, for their assistance, and they will be there. 

We don't have to walk this life alone. 

Reach out.

Grab His hand

You are never alone.

You are loved.

Don't you ever forget that.

Set Me Free

Letting go is hard, but I'm ready for it.

Hello. My name is Kelley.

Although things might not be going the way I wish they were, 

I am happy.

I'm not where i planned to be in life, not even close. But I didn't know what I know now when, I planned out my life. 

I'm learning to live in pure chaos. 

It's way more fun. 

Life has thrown a lot of challenges at me, some being incredible hard, others being extremely easy; however, I've learned important lessons from each one of my trials. 

It's hard to see the light sometimes, but if you don't keep going, you'll never reach that light.

I'm learning. Life is tough, but I'm tougher.

Just Sitting

Is it possible to just sit?

Thoughts jumble in my head.

I'm not use to this.

Three years ago, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

So often  moments like these are taken for granted.

Change, your smile, trials, your voice, the gospel, work, dreams, words.

The list could go on forever.

Ultimately it comes down to this:

the two people I have come to love and trust most are a thousand miles, or maybe two thousand miles, away.

It's rough, but I'm making it through.

3, 2, 1, Action

I started work today! I officially have like five boyfriends now. If you knew what it was like to work with the kids you'd understand. I seriously love them all to death.

This morning I was a little scared, nervous, feeling inadequate, freaked out, but it ended up not being that bad. I'm pretty sure my kids are the cutest in the whole camp. Not going to lie.

Today I got to be a ride along, simply meaning that I got to ride on the van with seven kids and two others staff members, one being the driver and the other having a one on one. So that means that I was thrown into the middle of a bus surrounded by crazy boys and the sweetest little girl. I was  holding five different conversations, playing two different games and trying to talk to the driver all at the same time. And then, my "best friend" got on the van. Boy do I love that kid. He is... I don't even think words can describe him. He calls me Kelly Clarkson and I call him Shane Harper.
You can probably guess who I ended up eating lunch with. Yup, my bestest friend. At that point I had met his friend and they were planting moves on me like no other. This is where the whole you have to understand these boys to understand what's going on here. These boy's counselor just happened to be my really good friend Yuriy, so we ate lunch together. All of a sudden I see these crazy boys talking to Yuriy and they are all looking at me and laughing so hard that they can barely get their words out, so naturally I'm thinking okay sweet, these boys are planning something not to great and I'm going to be the victim.
I was so right. Out of no where James yells at Yuriy to move and so he comes and sits by me, which was totally fine, and then James comes over to Yuriy and was like "it's the perfect time to plant a move on her.  At this point James has Yuriy's arm practically around me. So being the gentleman Yuriy is, he escapes the move and tells James and Shane to watch this. He holds up both of his fists and indicates a double fist bump. That's now know as "the move."
We had some pretty great adventures at the pool too. It ranged from my main man chasing me around the little pool, to Shane and James trying to dunk me, or jumping off the side of the pool trying to see who could get the closest to landing on me, James won that one, he landed right on my back!
Lets just say I have the best job in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

On a completely different note, my town is on fire in more than one place. From my house you can see the flames on the "mountain."
We had a couple pretty good lightning bolts strike today and it's been a while since we've had a source of water fall from the sky.
The point I'm trying to make is that even though fires are bad and sketchy, they make for some really cool pictures.

The smoke clouds are the dark clouds in the very back.

 

 

I have no idea what this fire is from, but the smoke cloud tripled its size within twenty minutes of this picture.



This was the fire you could see the flames from my house. It was pretty intense.

News! News! News!

Best day of my life.

SKY.

IS.

COMING.

HOME.

ON.
FRIDAY.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure if I could make it through this week without her.

 

Nope, We Are Not Going to Say "It"

A wise boy once said:

"Never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting."

-Peter Pan

Trapped

You leave me in nine days. I took for granted the time we had together. Now that there is not much left, I want it all back. Three months seemed like a long time when you got here, it flew by. 

Girls dream for a guy like you to come along. I was lucky enough to have you.

Don't forget me. 

August couldn't come quick enough. 

I already miss you, us, the way you make the butterflies in my stomach come alive, and the smile you spread across my face.

I don't know how I am going to survive this summer, alone. 

You leaving helps our relationship grow, but at this point all I can see is the sadness that comes with saying goodbye.

You'll be back, you've promised. You keep your promises. I know you do. 

I'm trapped. 

Sitting here, thinking. Thinking of you. Thinking of me. Thinking of us. 

I don't imagine I'll get much sleep tonight. 

Goodbye, my almost lover.

Make A Difference

I'm Going There Someday

Just recently I was told by a man that is not scared to tell me what I need to hear, or let things slide, that in three in a half years I would be engaged to be married. I almost died. Not out of excitement, but rather fear of him being right.  Although I love love, and the thought of being in love, there is no way that in three and a half years, this girl, being nineteen then, will be ready to be somebody's cute little wifey. No way I tell you.

I haven't let that topic escape, it's been on my mind nonstop for the last three days. So rather than let the though fear me, I've decided to embrace it, even though it is not likely. So if I do get married when I'm nineteen feel free to tell me I told you so.

It'd be silly for me to say that I haven't found that boy that makes a smile spread across my face just thinking about him. Or the one where I can just be my crazy self with. Or the one who gives me butterflies when I see his face. The boy who would hold me close and tell me everything is going to be okay, when I am certain it is not. The one who makes me feel like I am loved. The one whom I love.