Every once in a wile I will go through a phase where I cant get enough of love. Love songs, love stories, video about love. You get the point. I think it has something to do with being a teenage girl, but then I don't really know.
Some might say that I have no idea what love is, and I wouldn't argue with them because, they are probably right. I'm not afraid to say that I have never been in a relationship with someone before. Let me tell you, I have had my fair share of boys that have either wanted to be in a relationship with me or who I wanted to be in a relationship with. Mostly just silly little crushes that lasted for a couple weeks. But recently I have fallen into love and then back out and then in and then right back out. It all started way back in January when I met this boy, we'll call him Sam. Sam belongs to a family that I love dearly. I met him and I was for sure that when my sister got home that I was going to set them up on a date and then three months later they would be engaged. Those plans changed real quick. As I got to know him more and more, I got to know the real side of him and even started to have a little tiny crush on him. But like most crushes I thought it would be over in at most two weeks. And I thought it was. I started noticing Sam at more things and one night I even went out to dinner with his family. That's the first time we actually got introduced to each other. No big deal right, the cute little crush was over and I was thinking about one of the basketball players at that time anyway.
Fast forward a month later and I get invited to go on a moving vacation with Sam's mom who is like mom. Oh course I said yes and was so excited to go. Then I found out that we would be picking Sam up at the halfway mark. I didn't really care it was just another person. Those feelings changed really fast after he got into the car. To make a long story short, on this trip I fell in love with this boy. I fell hard. I was still in love with him even when we got home. For almost four months I was in love with this boy. That's a long time.
Here is where the falling out and then in and then out all happens.
Three weeks ago I met another boy, we'll call him Frank, who had me falling head over heels. Boy is he a keeper. Frank is tall and has nice tan skin and is very very handsome. I saw him standing there and then I gained some courage and got a friend to go over with me and ask one of this friends to dance and I would ask him. I didn't end up doing the asking. He did. We talked for seven whole minutes like we had known each other for years. We had just met. We didn't loose eye contact the whole time we danced and even after we danced. Its a pretty intense story if you ever get the chance to hear the whole entire thing starting with my morning that day.
So, here I am in "love" with two boys. If you know me that is not okay and drives me insane. I personally will not let myself have feelings for more than one boy. So what do you do? I can't just exactly pack up and move on with Sam, and Frank, well I am smitten by him. So what do I do? I lock myself in a room and tell myself that I have to just choose one of them and move on. It's easier said then done. Sam or Frank, Frank or Sam. I couldn't choose. A lot of things ran through my head as I tried to make a choice. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Sam. It was really hard. I told myself to get over Sam, and I did for about thirty seconds. Then it lasted for a couple days. But I couldn't stay away from him forever. A Sunday came and I sat by him at church and I couldn't focus on what the speakers were saying because i was trying to figure out this crazy problem that I was having, and he noticed that something was up. He's gone now. Back to the "burg" for him.
Lets just make this really long sob story quick. As i sat on Sam's parents couch today with only his mom and told her about all of the hard things I had been going through, I got the closure I needed with Sam today. It stung for a minute, but as soon as I heard the words that needed to be said a huge weight was lifted off my chest.
I still love Sam. I always will. He was my first real love. That will never change. He will always be Sam, the boy that taught me that there are real men out there. He taught me how a girl should be treated. He helped me realize all the little things that I will look for in a man. He taught me how I want my future boyfriends and eventually my future husband to treat me. He taught me a lot of things, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Sam if you ever read this, you'll know who you are. Thank you. For everything.
This song comes into my mind when I think of Sam. Weird? Maybe just a little bit. If you knew all that he means to me, it would all make sense. I would write it all down but I just don't think that words could even explain a little bit what he means to me.
